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【讀經隨想】善待自己,難嗎?

 

仁慈的人善待自己;殘忍的人擾害己身。(箴言十一:17)

中國傳統文化裡,為了群體的和諧,為了成全大我,必須犧牲小我。犧牲雖苦,然而,一切都是為了群体的榮耀,也是一種愛。故犧牲對中國人而言,它是一種美德。對基督徒而言,耶穌基督為了愛我們、救贖我們,最後在十字架上犧牲流血,更是一種大愛的顯明。既然都是為了愛,那麼中國式慣有的犧牲,真是可以用來解讀基督在十字架上的犧牲嗎?

事實上,基督在十字架上的犧牲,與我們中國式慣有的犧牲絕對不一樣。因為"耶穌是愛我,為我捨己"(加二:20b) 。祂是心甘樂意、不求回報;祂愛我們是没有任何要求和附加條件的;神對人的愛是純全的、是奇妙的、是没有底限的、是没有範圍的,這是無條件的大愛。因為耶穌基督道成肉身來到世上,為的就是要叫被罪所擄的得釋放,叫瞎眼的得醫治,叫凡是身體或心靈上受壓迫的人得到自由 (路四:18)。可是中國人在家庭中的犧牲也好,委曲求全也罷,誰能恆久委屈的付出而不企求一絲相應的回報呢?畢竟我們是被造的又有罪性的人啊! 神太清楚我們的貪婪、自私,故而一再囑咐我們要彼此相愛、愛人如己,豈不是期望我們的人際關係要相互施惠?

首先看看,中國傳統家庭中的夫妻關係,有多少的妻子為了配合丈夫的事業、期望而放棄自己的喜好與需求;婚姻中諸如與公婆同住、辭職帶娃等的大事,無不理所當然地多由妻子犧牲自己的夢想,來成全家庭的完整、和樂。雖然基督的愛是不求自己的益處,但耶穌也提醒受惠的一方務要心存感謝。當妻子完全忽視自身的需要,並非心甘樂意的犧牲退讓;又或者心中寄望可以得到對方的一點感恩回饋時,結果通常換來的是身心俱疲、任勞而不任怨。在長久得不到任何回報,甚至一點口頭上的感謝都得不到時,漸漸地她就覺得犧牲不值得,心理不平衡了,於是抱怨、指責、抨擊便依次出場,此時她的內心豈不是充滿了憤愤不平、委屈和傷心!

再看看中國家庭中的親子關係,有多少的子女因著不忍讓父母失望而選擇並非自己興趣的專業?就從我們身邊的華人移民朋友來觀察,有多少為人父母者是為了子女未來的前途,犧牲自己在國內的事業,來加拿大陪讀。他們對孩子豈能没有任何期望?一旦孩子拂逆己意,就理所當然地高舉自己曾「犧牲」的十字架向他索討等量的「犧牲」做為回饋。這樣為了取悦家人而放棄了自己的需要、喜好、夢想...等等的例子,這在中國家庭中是否比比皆是呢?我們可曾思考過中國式慣有的犧牲與求全,真的讓所愛的人得著益處了嗎?

聖經上說:我們各人務要叫鄰舍喜悦,使他得益處,建立德行。(羅十五:2) 其實,當我們委曲自己、紆尊降貴地去討好、滿足他人的心意時,恐怕帶來的只是對方的居高臨下和頤指氣使,卻非助他成長,建立他的好德行。於人於己豈不都没有好處!想想看,我們經常在取悦他人之時,是否時常忘了關愛自己?而關心自己生命的真實景況,是值得我們認真對待的。因為基督徒的身份是神的兒女,神看我們為寶貝,祂愛我們,衪要我們也愛祂,與衪建立愛的連結,從而清楚自己是被愛、該被善待的。總是委曲自己去討好他人,那麼受折損的,不但是自我的尊嚴,身心靈也遲早會出問題的。

聖經中教導我們:仁慈的人善待自己;殘忍的人擾害己身。 (箴言十一:17) 「善待自己」,首先是接纳自己,勇敢做自己,能夠不卑不亢地表達自己的思想、感受和需求,並且也可以傾聽他人的心聲。這樣的人才能包容,允許別人做他自己,尊重他人,也善待他人,所以必是個仁慈有愛心的人。相反地,一個帶著面具做人,外表處處取悦别人,內心卻苦不堪言,表裡不一,必然損害己身;尤其當他極盡討好之能,卻不得到愛的回報時,更心生付出感,怨懟感。這正是對自己的不接纳、不看重。長此以往,受傷、積怨久了,反彈的力道必然害己不利人!

讓我們先來好好地親近神,讓神的愛充滿我們,使我們的心靈强健起來吧!當我們自己有了從神而來的自尊心、自信心和自我價值感,我們真正接纳了自己時,心靈就愈來愈健康、平安。人若如此善待自己,才可以不企求回報地去愛人,即使別人不懂感恩回報,我們也能釋懷,比較不怕被傷害。當我們能這樣無所求地愛別人時,別人也就自動地回報我們的愛了。這樣的「彼此相愛」「和睦同居」是何等的善,何等的美啊!

親愛的阿爸天父:

我們感謝讚美您,您本為善,您的慈愛永遠長存。您的愛具體顯明在基督十架的犧牲上,也藉著聖靈像水澆灌沙漠一樣,把這愛澆灌在我們心裡,叫我們本來枯乾的心田,現在充滿著喜樂和平安。主啊!求您按著祢豐盛的榮耀,藉著聖靈,叫我們心裡的力量剛强起來,使我們的愛心堅强穩固,懂得善待自己又善待別人,明白神的大愛,從而能真實行出彼此相愛!我們這樣的感恩、祈求、禱告是奉耶穌基督的聖名,阿們!

 

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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