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【讀經隨想】內在真實的小小娃

 

「我追想這些事,我的心極其悲傷。我的心哪,你為何憂悶?為何在我裡面煩躁?應當仰望神,因衪笑臉幫助我,我還要稱讚衪。」(詩篇四十二:4b-5)

《詩篇》是聖經中教導我們怎樣讚美和禱告神的一部書卷。作者用發自人類心靈深處的語言向神說話,其中充滿了真實感受的表達與紓解。例如(詩四十二:4b-5)「我追想這些事,我的心極其悲傷」。「我的心哪,你為何憂悶?為何在我裡面煩躁?應當仰望神,因衪笑臉幫助我,我還要稱讚衪」。這首詩是大衛在遭到妒忌的君王掃羅逼迫驅離,無法在會幕中敬拜神,使他很沮喪、不安,而這些不安、抑鬰的情緒卻使他仰望、等候神,思想衪過往的恩慧,就相信神定會以任何必要的方法滿足他內裡最深的需要。我們看到大衛在神面前如此「倾心吐意」的用心交流,我們就知道大衛愛神、他與神有親密的關係。

那麼我們現在的基督徒,是否也是如此用心與神交流呢?同時我們又是用什麼與人交流呢?有學者將人與人間,相互交流的深淺分為了五個等級,讓我想起去年在墨西哥旅遊時買的那個俄羅斯套娃,由外到裡共有五個娃,剛好可以代表這五種等級的交流意願!

 

Doll


首先,我們看到最外層的娃娃,是個光彩熠熠、美麗可愛的大胖娃。他光鮮體面、斌斌有禮,做著最表層的交流,如「你好嗎?......你最近忙什麼?」「好久不見了,妳愈來愈漂亮了!」這樣的所問所說,只像在雞尾酒會上的一種應酬話,我們的心卻遠遠躲在這些應酬話的後面,這絕非交流。

打開大胖娃的肚子,看到一個較小的、模樣相似的娃娃,這第二層娃娃的交流,通常也就只愛傳講別人說過或做過的事。像名人八卦、新聞事件、什麼好東西要和好朋友分享之類的家常閒話,說些別人的瑣事,以遮蔽自己的情感。在這層級裡的交流,也幾乎不具任何意義。

再打開看到更小一點的第三層娃娃,開始有一點比較像樣的交流了。我願意冒一點險向你透露我的某些想法、判斷和決定,但在說的同時,我會小心翼翼地注意你的反應,只要你稍稍皺皺眉、打個哈欠或看看手錶,我可能馬上就不說話了;或者換一個話題;更糟的,我可能會開始說些我認為你想聽的話來討好你了。總之,就是退回到那個比較安全的第二層交流。但也有可能你我一見如故,志同道合,思想交流暢通無阻,我願意將我的所思所想,儘情向你傾吐。這時候,我是用腦交流,算是較真實的一部份了。其實在我們和至近的親屬好友間,最常交流的就是想法與意見,而這也是最易引起誤解、衝突的交流層次了。

再繼續打開,就進入第四層小娃娃的—情感交流了。你知道一個人的情感裡包含了很豐富的信息嗎?它是最能顯明我之所以不同於別人,我就是那個獨一無二、獨特的我的真實呈現。所以,當我們想要彼此建立有意義的愛的聯結,就像大衛與神、大衛與至交約拿單一般,有那樣推心置腹的親密關係時,我們必須了解自己在什麼情況下會有什麼情緒反應,然後將心中真實的情感與神、與人傾訴,並彼此傾聽,這才進入用心交流。

我們不能否認情緒時時刻刻都伴隨著我們,也影響著我們身心靈的健康。《箴言》十七:22)說:「喜樂的心是良藥,憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。」其實「情緒」是上帝賜給我們的禮物,它承載、記錄了我們每天的日常生活,也是我們內在心靈世界的反應。如果我們對自己的情緒既陌生又不能或不敢表達,那我們是否看得見那個藏在我們心靈最深處第五層的小小娃娃?他是個醜陋、到處傷疤、充滿恐懼和痛苦的小小娃,如此的軟弱無能、羞愧不堪、受傷難看。或許我們自己都不願意去觸摸這個小小娃,當然更不可能把這個真實的自己(本相)帶到人與上帝面前來!可是不敢來到上帝面前,我們將如何得到上帝的光照、醫治與赦免呢?如果我們相信上帝完全知道並接納我們的本相,那我們為何仍不敢把真實的小小娃帶到上帝面前來?原因恐怕是:我們自己都不接納自己那個軟弱、受傷、羞愧又醜陋的本相吧!

當我們不接納自己的本相,就不敢來到上帝面前,更不敢來到人面前,告訴別人:我是如此軟弱、醜陋......。我擔心「你還喜歡這個我嗎?」而這個我卻是真實的我呀!這正反映了我們大多數人為什麼都是穿披著一件美麗的外衣在與人相處了。我們以這樣的形象與人相處久了,連自己都相信自己就是這個體面、美善的人了。但失去了真實的美是虛假、虛浮的:「艶麗是虛假的﹐美容是虛浮的」(箴三十一:30);失去了真實的善,就是偽善、假冒為善:「你們這假冒為善的文士和法利賽人有禍了!因為你們洗淨杯盤的外面,裡面卻盛滿了勒索和放蕩」(太廿三:25)。保羅在教導我們怎樣與神家裡人共處時,特別强調"愛人不可虛假"(羅十二:9a)。可見「真實」在上帝的眼中是多麼的重要!

當我們有一天終於成長到可以接納自己內在真實的小小娃了,願意將我們心靈裡最真實的感受與軟弱不堪向神、向人(真誠安全的人)坦誠地敞開,即「表裡如一」、「裡外一致」的時候,我們就愈趨健全、成熟並邁向成聖之路了。我們也才能真正「用心靈和誠實拜衪」(約四:24b)!

親愛的阿爸天父:

感謝祢以永遠的愛來愛我,祢的愛永不改變,讓我裡面有安全感。我知道我可以隨時隨地親近祢,能夠坦然無懼地來到祢的面前,向祢傾心吐意,坦誠表達我內心真實的感受、軟弱與渴望。感謝祢,當我回轉,認祢為主,並且承認自己的罪,而不是刻意隱瞞,或沉溺其中,祢就立即赦免我的罪,洗淨我一切的不義,並按著我的本相接纳我。主啊!求祢賜給我勇氣和決心,可以將最軟弱無助的、最真實的自己敞開在祢面前,以至得蒙祢的醫治與救贖。奉耶稣基督的聖名祈求、感謝與禱告,阿們!

 

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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