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【非洲異國情】賠罪與復和

 

人與人相處是靠關係來維持,非出於偶然,也非僥倖而得,要用心培養;既知得來不易,一瞬間便失,就應加以愛惜。人非聖人,誰能無過?關係受損後重建不是不可能,但要付出代價努力修建。若得罪了人,怎樣賠罪和修補關係,和好如初?道歉賠罪方式各有不同,簡單的從口頭明說,請吃「謝罪飯」,送禮贖罪,或有更複雜的條件和作法,達至對方原諒,下了口屈結氣,罪債勾消,尊嚴名聲等復得。

非洲人賠罪的要求和復和過程又如何?

有一次是外國人向非洲村民的謝罪事件。筆者在非洲工作,有一天跟隨隊長與當地好友鄭伯到一個鄉村去,與村內父老們有個特別約會:謝罪會。原來隊長要處理年前與當地人關係不和的事件,擔延至當天才付諸行動。去年隊長一隊人到這鄉村來,要求村民協助辦點事務。豈料來了一位怒氣填胸的村代表,他拒絕隊長救助,還在眾人前怒駡他,並要求他另找一天到來向眾位父老賠罪認錯。村父老對這相識己久隊長不滿,是因他自去年在該村附近有工程以來,每趟到來都是匆匆經過,沒有停車下來與村內父老問安。他們因見隊長不知何故與他們生疏,便感到生氣受辱,故此當天大表不滿和向他問罪。


當日下車後,筆者與同車的人在村長的草棚內席地而坐,與村父老們吃茶和寒喧一番,村民也陸續而來。稍後,鄭伯開腔向村父老們問候和講述來意。隊長接著向眾人問安和分享他內心說話,又為他過去不當的行為向眾村民道歉,日後努力與村民保持友誼。然後,他照日前村代表的要求,將帶來的禮物,計有一公斤檳榔(Kola, 是來自西非科特狄雅)、十盒茶葉、兩公斤沙糖等,以作向各人陪罪。接著有幾位父老回應,講述他們祖村的歷史,要比白人殖民時期更早,表示他們祖村有長久優良的傳統,是值得尊重。此番良言,有如長輩以訓責教誨後輩要遵守遺傳祖訓,愛顧尊敬父老和保持與眾人的關係。這是一個很有趣的謝罪和復和的禮儀,也說明了在異地異文化生活的外國人更應努力學習與當地人相處,要銘記人優於事,復和修建關係刻不容緩。

另一回是村長與村代表衝突及復和的經過。他們年多以來發生不和,互不談話和相讓,每況愈下。眾村民為此憂心忡忡,四出找有名望的長老來勸諫也未果。筆者從中了解事件因由,知道村代表是村長的世侄,他很精明能幹,家境富裕,而村長年老且無財又無能。村代表指責村長搬弄是非重傷和出賣他,自此對村事務也不理不睬。村長指責村代表接待外訪者,但沒有轉告他,處事常常獨斷獨行,使他在村內失去威望和受辱,還指控村代表有搶奪村長位置的企圖。因此,兩人互不接觸諒解,村內事務從此癱瘓不振。筆者與村長的一位近親父老名胡叔到當地作「和事佬」勸諫兩人,到埠後碰到一位同路人,他也表示無能為力。我們花了半天在村長和村代表之間走了多遍,聆聽各人伸訴,又加以鼓勵和勸諫。時間已過多時和倦意叢生時,筆者覺察兩人態度有所軟化,漸漸看到自己的錯誤。看似和解機會已是在望,但下一步誰先要出來示好賠罪。胡叔安慰表示,村代表允諾當天入黑前六時親自到村長府上道歉復和,且言出必行。筆者聽後雖有疑惑,只好信其所言,也許當地如斯重要人物的復和友好,自有他們一套作法,不容外人或等閒人仕在場。

非洲人與中國人都屬重人際關係的群體。非洲社群相信人類與天地萬物息息相連,人與人的關係也如此,生活上彼此唇齒相依。若有天災人禍,必是有人破壞這些關係。要恢復和諧平安,若屬自然界規條和禁忌,犯者要請祭司術士作法和獻祭討悅神靈,以能消禍解難。若屬人倫關係,非洲民族因血緣關係,各人互稱弟兄姊妹,彼此關係緊密,可說是個大家庭。還有非洲民族文化多屬「面子文化」或「恥辱文化 Shame Culture」,即是維護自己族群和個人名聲尊嚴等是文化價值的取向,比失去自己生命或財物更重要。所以犯案或虧負人要賠罪,以解決良心內疚,重修雙方的關係,和恢復社群的接納,這是至為重要的事。賠罪復和也需要有旁人耐心扶助才可促成,特別在面子文化中生活的人,更應顧存雙方的面子下進行復和才能見效。

 

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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