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Home本期文章李昇尋主記:以禱告叩開主的門

【特稿】李昇尋主記:以禱告叩開主的門

 

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我叫李昇,我學過法律、電腦;做過刑警、律師、IT 工程師;我留學美國、回流中國、移民加拿大。我的經歷猶如股市走勢圖:起伏跌宕、豐富繁複;我的性格充滿矛盾:既多疑多慮又盲目自信、既驕傲自大又很熱心腸。由於受過多年的無神論教育,而且學業優異,每逢考試只需提前幾天突擊溫習,便可輕鬆過關獲得高分,所以在我以前的認識裏,我一直認為宗教信仰之類跟封建迷信、愚昧無知是劃等號的。並且由於在刑警的行業裏和罪案、犯人打交道,要從複雜案情中找到真實線索出來,我的思維模式冷靜又理性,總在假設、推理、結論的模式裏瞭解觀察世界。

信耶穌以前我挺驕傲的,剛剛來到美國留學被邀請參加教會的聚會時,懷著「眾人皆醉我獨醒」的態度,想著多瞭解一些知識總不錯,於是乎在教會裏每次聚會開始或結束的時候,眾人低頭做禱告時,我就自以為鶴立雞群一樣地東張西望,甚至還拿出相機給大家照相。在主日結束後,我會主動上前去找牧師,只是為了和牧師合影,目的不是為了解神和信仰,便於我回國後向朋友炫耀,完全是一副觀光旅遊者的態度,我就是這麼一個驕傲的人,自以為聰明和高人一籌,卻看不到自己的無知和缺乏。

我還是一個十分剛硬和叛逆的人。因為附近的教會提供週末免費的聚餐和其他活動,一方面因為懶得做飯,一方面為了增加和本地人交流,練習英語口語,因此每逢附近的教會有什麼活動,我一般都會去參加。這樣逐漸對主有了一些認識,但我的心還是非常剛硬。每次和教會的朋友們在一起時,我覺得我是信主的;但是每次回家後,想想又覺得「真的有主存在嗎?」然後去推想聖經裏很多耶穌行的奇跡並沒有科學根據等等。之後又帶著這些問題去查經班,與老師們爭辯,由於我經常常提各種各樣的奇怪問題,簡直成了班上的「十萬個為什麼」。直到有一天,一位姊妹象平時一樣在聚會上問我說:「李昇,你今天還有沒有新的問題?」我猶豫了一下回答說:「有很多,但我知道我問出來,你們總能解答;你們的答案,我還是將信將疑。」姊妹溫柔而堅定地說:「是的,其實很多問題,答案在我們自己的心裏。別人無法解答,只有你自己才能解答。那你有沒有想過怎麼樣才能確信而不懷疑呢?」我十分挑釁地回答說:「除非我親眼看見主耶穌,否則我可能這樣一直懷疑下去。」姊妹仍和藹地對我說,「那你就禱告吧,讓主向你顯現。」我大吃一驚:「這樣行嗎?」其實當時我心裏在想,一旦禱告了,主沒有顯現,我怎麼辦?她鼓勵我說「沒問題的,你禱告吧!聖經上說了『你們祈求,就給你們,尋找,就尋見;叩門,就給你們開門。因為凡祈求的,就得著;尋找的,就尋見,叩門的,就給他開門』」。於是她和我一起做了這樣的禱告,求主耶穌向我顯現,堅定我的信心。

隨後不久的一次午休,我躺在床上迷迷糊糊的,突然我被一種莫名的威壓驚醒,心臟狂跳不止,渾身無法動彈,只能睜眼看到床前有很大一片聖潔的白光,白光裏面朦朦朧朧我無法看清,一個非常慈愛威嚴的聲音在我心裏響起「現在我就在你面前了,你還不信嗎?」雖然我從來沒有見過上帝,但那一刻我真的很確信是神!而且我非常震驚:原來真的有神!我整個身體和意志完全癱軟了,也完全失去了思考的能力,只能下意識地在心裏回應著:「我信。」然後剎那間,我從床上猛的驚醒,醒來只有一個念頭:天啊,真的有神!真的有神!主為我開門了!我看見了!趕緊相信吧!此刻我剛硬的心順從了下來,好像流浪的孩子找到了溫暖的家,我感受到很深的歸屬感,悔恨和幸福的淚水爬滿了臉龐,從此以後我決志信主。

信主之後,主耶穌不斷用他的話語更新我的生命,我認識到有主同在的人生真好!傳福音的熱情充滿我,我逢人就鼓勵他們去教會、介紹他們讀聖經、見證神在我身上的工作。我見人就說基督,逢人就鼓勵聚會,我從「十萬個為什麼」變成了一個「救恩呼喊者」。不僅如此,主還借著各樣的經歷讓我的家庭敬虔歸信他。我太太懷老三時,教會弟兄姊妹給他取名叫「亦恩」,意思是神的恩典。萬萬沒有想到這個名字在他出生後有了更加特殊的意義。5 月 17 日亦恩出生,出生後醫生發現他雙耳沒有外耳和耳道,先天聽力為零。當時的我們看到這一切,又痛心,又茫然,更多的只是祈求神顯神跡讓孩子的耳朵恢復正常。

但我內心深處,卻反復有一個聲音不斷提醒我這是神給我的考驗,只是我任憑自己的意思去禱告,不肯相信。直到牧師和傳道人陸續來到醫院,用神的話語開導我們,帶我一同禱告,我終於安靜下來,傾聽聖靈對我說話,讓我和太太明白:這是神賜的禮物,即使孩子有缺陷,也是恩典,所以他的名字叫「亦恩」。主還將馬太福音11:26節這段經文給我的妻子:「父啊,是的,因為你的美意本是如此」。這段經文時常安慰鼓勵她,讓她在亦恩殘疾後仍保持著一顆平安喜樂的心。她開始渴望親近神,花很多的時間默禱,學習聖經的話語,傾聽各種講道資訊,更加殷勤地參加教會的活動,還每天晚上帶領孩子睡前讀經禱告。隨著她與神關係的親密, 我們的夫妻感情更加深厚。她變得更加溫柔、體貼和善於傾聽。與此同時,她開始向她遇到的每一個人傳福音。我們 2017 年初的回國,她還帶領奶奶做了決志禱告。

從亦恩出生到現在,我們全家就浸在神的恩典中。讓我們學習彼此相愛的功課,從管教孩子,到為人處世,主都通過亦恩時時提醒我們,讓我們學會每天仰望神的話語。記得亦恩出生當天晚上,我曾向主禱告許願:只要主顯神跡醫治亦恩,我願意奉獻我自己給神。雖然主並沒有用神跡的方式直接讓亦恩恢復,但是它通過亦恩讓我們全家都真正信靠主,與主同行,讓我們每天都充滿喜樂和安慰,這就是神跡。哈利路亞!讚美主!

 

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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