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【讀經隨想】肯定的言語,造就人

 

「污穢的言語,一句不可出口,只要隨事說造就人的好話,叫聽見的人得益處。」 (弗4:29)

有一位愛嘮叨的妻子,總是不停地叫他的丈夫去把他們卧室的牆壁粉刷一下。不是說:「你怎麼還不刷牆呢?」就是說:「你為什麼這麼久還不動呢?」可是她愈嘮叨,丈夫就愈抗拒。隔了快一年了,卧室的牆壁依然未刷。轉捩點發生在兩人參加了一次婚姻講座,講員就說到妻子對丈夫要多一點鼓勵,少一些嘮叨。回家之後,妻子就決定給自己一個挑戰:一有機會就誇讚、鼓勵丈夫;一想嘮叨時,就背誦「污穢的言語,一句不可出口,只要隨事說造就人的好話,叫聽見的人得益處」(弗4:29) ,以保守自己的口舌,一句抱怨的話語也不說。慢慢地、慢慢地,丈夫真感受到被欣賞、被鼓勵了,居然就去粉刷卧室的牆了。妻子看了太高興了,大大鼓勵丈夫,說:「你刷得太好了,你真是最好的油漆匠。」結果,丈夫竟把整個房子都刷了。妻子又誇了:「唉呀!你刷得太棒了,簡直比專業的師父還刷得好!」最後,不但屋子裡面刷了,連外牆也都刷了。

所以,當一個人感受到被欣賞、被了解、被肯定時,知道他所做的努力被看到了,即使再辛苦,他都願意為了愛獻上自己最好的一切。有一位著名的心理專家這麼說:溝通中 95% 的內容都應該是讚美和鼓勵,那 5% 呢,才是提意見。就是說婚姻的基調,應該是正面的話語遠遠多於負面的話語。而大凡一個問題能被解決,靠的就是那 95% 的鼓勵,加上那 5% 的解決方法。這正應合了聖經那句「污穢的言語,一句不可出口,只要隨事說造就人的好話」 。如此看來,我們說的二十句話中,十九句都應該是讚美和鼓勵的話呢!

這「隨事說造就人的好話」的道理若應用在「父母教養孩子」身上時,可否想一想:我們每天跟孩子說話,正面與負面話語的比例又是多少?即使不能如夫妻間的「19:1」那麼高,專家說最好也是在「7:1」的比例上。父母千萬不要以責罵為管教,要找到讚美孩子的竅門。當孩子被讚美、肯定時,就比較願意主動嘗試與努力。但華人文化要看結果,重視立竿見影,要速成,讚美孩子只停留在學業,外表看到的成功上,如:第一名、一百分、一個好成品。或有一些空泛過度的讚美,如:「你好棒!」「你好帥!」......等等,這很容易讓孩子覺得自己什麼都好,以至目空一切,造成不好的人際關係。其實讚美是要引導孩子看見努力的過程,知道自己做了什麼努力,才讓成功出現。例如:「我看見你勞作上的每一小片都黏貼得很緊實又很整齊!」這才是鼓勵。

更高層次的讚美,是要看見孩子努力中反映了什麼特質,如:「在你做勞作的過程中,媽媽看見你的耐性、你堅持的態度。」這樣的讚美會帶出孩子的自信,而不是停留在自我感覺良好。然而成長過程中,多少會遇到挫折,例如考差了,不是責罵他,也不是口上說「没關係」,而是安慰他、在情緒上支持他,看見他的努力,也引導他如何改善努力的過程。身為父母的我們要做孩子的幫助者,不做他的評論者。

神用話語創造了天地、萬物及我們,話語具有創造的能力,卻也帶著毁滅的能力。所以聖經上說:「頌讚和咒詛從一個口裡出來,我的弟兄們,這是不應當的」(雅三:10)。話語帶著奇妙的創造力,我們如何談論自己,會影響我們的未來;我們無意中對孩子說的一句話,有可能會影響孩子的一輩子,如:「為什麼你怎麼教都教不會,你腦袋裡面到底装什麼?」這就是給孩子「貼標籤」,會造成他負面的自我形象。

在聖經箴言中,諸如「生死在舌頭的權下。」(箴十八:21a) 「溫良的舌,是生命樹;乖謬的嘴,使人心碎。」(箴十五:4) 「一句良言,使心歡樂。」(箴十二:25b) ......等,都對話語的影響力,多有提醒。親愛的朋友們,我們若相信言語確實會影響自己和他人的未來,那麽我們豈能不刻意操練用話語來表達欣賞、肯定,讓自己成為一個能看到並標明別人長處的有愛的人呢?

親愛的阿爸天父:我們讚美祢!因祢是創造主。祢對我們的未來有美好的計劃,按著祢恩慈的計劃,祢祝福我們並使用我們。主啊!我為我伴侶身上的優點與特質來感謝祢,謝謝祢用祢的愛使我們屬世的愛顯得更加甘甜!我也感謝祢將兒女賞賜給我們。求你幫助我,隨事說造就伴侶和孩子的話語,使他們能感受到愛與接纳,幫助他們完成神要在他們身上成就的美好計劃!我這樣禱告、感謝、祈求,是奉耶稣基督的聖名,阿們!

 

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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