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【社會心】婚姻衝突--影響情緒的非理性思想(34)--若要買新﹐先要棄舊

 

家庭裡的物件是否過多﹐尋找所需物品是否容易﹐有時也會成為家人爭吵的原因。購買物品的慾望若是沒有限制﹐終有一天物品會無處可放﹐客廳變成雜物房﹐家人經常因此而爭吵。今期我們探討一個較少被公開討論的題目 -- "要買新物品﹐需否先棄舊的"?

在日漸富裕的社會﹐一般家庭都擁有各類家電﹐無數的衣服﹐玩具及消閒用品。在北美生活的﹐居住面積可能有一千至二﹐或三千平方呎的房屋或柏文。初初搬入時﹐會覺得空間不少﹐但漸漸的感覺到不夠用。亞泉買了一台跑步機回家﹐方發現不知可以放在那裡﹐媽媽的按摩椅不能移﹐沙發不能搬走﹐爸爸的金魚缸更不能動﹐又大又笨重的電視機更是全家人娛樂焦點所在﹐他沒有答案。他在晚飯時提出他的情況﹐希望大家有解決方法給他﹐原來爸爸早就想買一幅油畫﹐因沒有空間而未有購買;媽媽也說她很想把她做的陶瓷作品及山水晝拿出來展放﹐也因沒有空間而作罷;妹妹也說她有一幅心愛歌星的大海報﹐連她自己的房間都沒有空間而仍放在一旁。至此﹐他已不想再爭取甚麼﹐唯有去車房動動腦筋。與此同時﹐他也想到為何房子裏面沒有空間?而佔據空間的物品是否仍然有存在價值?

Irrational 1原來我們的購買新產品的習慣﹐已是被鼓吹消費的商家們的洗腦﹐在不自覺情況下﹐"消費意識" 從電視廣告及電子傳媒進入每一個人﹐日日提供最新消費訊息﹐已成為了我們的生活取向:人人要跟隨社會進步﹐想擁有更好質素的生活﹐為何不立即享用?加上信用卡﹐低息及分期付款﹐更易付帳﹐我們便漸漸接受﹐即使物品沒有壞﹐也要換新:如手機﹐電視機﹐相機。至於衣服鞋子手袋等等﹐單看我太太及女兒的為例子﹐便是有一半以上在過去三年沒有用過!我們擁有的﹐比我們想像的多。我們需要的﹐比我們想像的少。


<若要買新﹐先要棄舊> 此概念的倡議﹐西方社會近年有位被稱為「極簡主義小姐」法蘭辛.潔伊(Francine Jay) "https://www.amazon.com/Francine-Jay/e/B002GNZVQC/ref=la_B002GNZVQC_ntt_srch_lnk_3?qid=1489462310&sr=1-3" 

她積極倡議簡樸的生活方式﹐已有些人有積極反應。她的名句例如:

"如果那些物品未能發揮它原先的功能﹐便是時候讓它離去。"

"如果要成為好管家﹐你要視家為聖潔之地﹐而非儲物室。"

"記住﹐空間的價值﹐與物品本身的價值同樣重要。"

"簡樸生活的目的﹐不在乎要再做更多﹐而在可以做少些。"

"我們不在於擁有甚麼﹐乃在於做甚麼﹐想甚麼和喜愛誰。"

她有幾本書很受歡迎﹐讀者可以去圖書館借閱。

The Joy of Less: A Minimalist Guide to Declutter﹐Organize﹐and Simplify(2016)

100 Essentials: Simple Kitchen+Capsule Wardrobe+Minimalist Home(2017)

Miss Minimalist: Inspiration to Downsize﹐Declutter﹐and Simplify(2011)

她強調生活的空間之重要﹐減少佔據空間的物品﹐使人更有自由﹐省去清潔整理的時間。她並非叫人不用科技產品﹐而是有需要而買﹐買了要用。

Irrational 2說到簡樸生活﹐不能不提基督教界的屬靈大師傅士德(RichardJ . Foster)作品《簡樸生活的真諦》(2012)傅氏的全書分成兩部分﹐第一部分是從舊約、新約出發探討簡樸問題的根基。他一開頭就說明簡樸之複雜性:"力求簡樸﹐卻莫輕信它"。現代人的通病是熱中於擁有﹐越多﹐越新﹐越是名牌越好。當我們越來越追求這些 "越" 時﹐我們不但活得越來越累和緊張﹐而且常常聽不到這個世界上還有哭聲﹐那是母親因為孩子沒有充饑的東西吃而哭泣。基督教的簡樸觀念能醫治這種 "富有" 的現代病﹐使我們擺脫物質的拖累﹐免得因狂熱地追求物質而使物質成了我們的主。

他介紹歷代的先賢在歷史上展現了簡樸的六種模式﹕

第一種是早期羅馬的基督徒﹕照顧窮人﹐與有需要的人分享自己所有的一切。

曠野上的修士則展現了第二種模式﹕捨棄。世人問﹕"我怎麼能獲得更多?" 而曠野修士則問﹕"我有什麼可以不要的?"

聖法蘭西斯的行動構成了第三種模式﹕歡樂地信靠。他們走遍世界﹐內心沉醉於上帝的愛之中﹐並且與周圍的人分享這來自上天的喜樂。

第四種模式是十六世紀的宗教改革﹐堅持 "惟靠信心"﹐富有的自由釋放了我們﹐叫我們在一心信靠上帝中去為我們的鄰居服務。

第五種模式出現在十七世紀的貴格派中﹐他們持守一個信念﹕就是一定要在安靜中聽見基督的聲音﹐並且要順從祂的旨意。

約翰衛斯理及其信徒﹐提供了簡樸的第六種典範﹐說:"我的經驗是:供養自己越少﹐幫助別人越多﹐心中的喜樂和屬靈的福氣也愈加飽滿豐富。

基督教信仰的教導﹐主要在於耶穌所說的核心教訓: 愛神和愛人如己﹐愛鄰舍。説到愛人如己﹐愛鄰舍而,分享便有捨棄﹐關懷鄰舍憑信心信靠﹐也要讓自己從安靜中找到支取力量的源頭﹐有能力幫助別人。而在這個過程中﹐便同時已在實踐簡樸生活的要素。所以傅士德也提到內在和外在的操練。讀者有興趣進一步了解﹐可以直接參閱其書。

重新開始!只和真正有用、美麗和有感情的物品一起生活。「丟東西」不是讓家裡「空無一物」﹐而是收復我們的空間﹐恢復居住環境的功用和潛能﹐從物品手中奪回生活的主控權﹐不再為了追逐物慾、整理和維修物品而忙得昏頭轉向。清除那些佔據空間的雜物﹐也清除讓自己停滯不前的阻礙。送出已不再用的玩具衣服家居用品﹐讓別人能循環再用。


最後﹐僅以「極簡主義小姐」 Francine Jay 給予簡約生活的原則作為本文結束:


S──重新開始(Start over)

T──棄掉、珍惜或轉送(Trash﹐Treasure﹐or Transfer)

R──每件物品存在的作用(Reason for each item)

E──各就其位(Everything in its place)

A──清理空間(All surfaces clear)

M──分類分區(Modules)

L──設限(Limits)

I──有一物入必有一物出(If one comes in﹐one goes out)

N──縮減(Narrow down)

E──天天保持(Every day maintenance)

但願我們都保持醒覺﹐不以物慾擁有為主人﹐繼續以愛人如己﹐愛鄰舍榮耀神。

 

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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