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【社會心】婚姻衝突--影響情緒的非理性思想(36)--趁未失去便已珍惜

 

最近有位朋友於六十歲生日當天中風入院﹐七天後去世﹐家人及親友無不感到哀傷挽惜﹐感慨生命之無法掌握。紐約一位憤世嫉俗青年駕車狂飆﹐撞死一名十八歲少女﹐30多名途人受傷入院﹐他們全都不是因為與那青年有甚麼結怨而遭報復﹐全是意料不到的事。剛剛在英國曼撤斯特音樂會發生人肉炸彈恐襲﹐造成超過二十多人死亡。所有死者傷者及其家人皆感驚慌﹐憤怒及無奈﹐因為他們無緣無故承受了不必要的痛苦及損失。

當年紀越來越長﹐身邊的人越來越多因故離世; 加上每日在全球都不斷發生的天災、人禍、戰爭、恐襲及意外﹐內心難免有哀傷慨嘆。然而﹐外在環境發生的事﹐很多都非自己所能控制掌握﹐但有一樣可以自己決定的﹐就是用甚麼角度和態度去看這些事情。若有悲慘意外發生在自己或家人身上﹐已經是事實﹐不可能當它沒有發生過﹐理性的做法就是去尋求醫療、康復﹐使生活再次正常化。

emotion 1當事件漸冷卻下來﹐當然﹐人也可能會不斷埋怨: "為何是我?為何發生在我身上?我做錯了甚麼而遭此報應?"

倘若你仍不斷把自己停留在憤怒谷的谷底﹐你能跳出此深淵嗎?當然不能﹐而且只有更低落﹐更難起來﹐因為你已經跌入思維上的死胡同﹐downward spiral﹐結果可能會走向精神病方面。

當理性漸漸回歸現實﹐有些人總會想到與其抱怨及憤怒﹐不如放下﹐接受現實已發生的事故﹐把不幸的意外﹐視為人生總有高高低低的其中一部分﹐正如說﹐人生不如意事十常八九!與其不斷自怨、怨人﹐倒不如從更積極的觀點往前看﹐例如看你現在已經擁有的﹐屋雖不大也不豪華﹐總有可安睡的地方;子女並非龍男鳳女﹐總是健康有正當事業;家財雖非富裕﹐總算衣食足。珍惜現在仍然擁有的生命﹐生活方式及所擁有的物質與非物質﹐加上能有機會享受勤勞工作得來的快樂﹐這就是神給予我們的福氣。

生命的難以測度﹐非人所掌握﹐這些現象也就是聖經裡傳道書所描述的景況:

生命非人可掌握:

Ecc3:1 凡事都有定期﹐天下萬務都有定時。

Ecc3:2 生有時﹐死有時。

Ecc8:8 無人有權力掌管生命﹐將生命留住﹐也無人有權力掌管死期。

勞碌所得他人去享:

Ecc2:18 我恨惡一切的勞碌﹐就是我在日光之下的勞碌﹐因為我得來的必留給我以後的人。

Ecc2:19 那人是智慧﹐是愚昧﹐誰能知道?他竟要管理我勞碌所得的﹐就是我在日光之下用智慧所得的﹐這也是虛空。

Ecc2:20 故此﹐我轉想我在日光之下所勞碌的一切工作﹐心便絕望。

Ecc2:21 因為有人用智慧知識靈巧所勞碌得來的﹐卻要留給未曾勞碌的人為分﹐這也是虛空﹐也是大患。

若不知足一切虛空:

Ecc5:10 貪愛銀子的﹐不因得銀子知足;貪愛豐富的﹐也不因得利益知足﹐這也是虛空。

Ecc5:19 神賜人資財豐富﹐使他能以吃用﹐能取自己的分﹐在他勞碌中喜樂﹐這乃是神的恩賜。

財富﹐子女﹐長壽都有﹐若不能享用﹐也是虛空:

Ecc6:2 就是人蒙神賜他資財、豐富、尊榮﹐以致他心裡所願的一樣都不缺﹐只是神使他不能吃用﹐反有外人來吃用﹐這是虛空﹐也是禍患。

Ecc6:3 人若生一百個兒子﹐活許多歲數﹐以致他的年日甚多﹐心裡卻不得滿享福樂﹐又不得埋葬。據我說﹐那不到期而落的胎比他倒好。

Ecc6:6 那人雖然活千年﹐再活千年﹐卻不享福﹐眾人豈不都歸一個地方去麼?

亨通﹐患難人人皆有:

Ecc7:14 遇亨通的日子﹐你當喜樂;遭患難的日子﹐你當思想﹐因為神使這兩樣並列﹐為的是叫人查不出身後有甚麼事。

emotion 2知足﹐享受勞碌得來的﹐就是祝福:

Ecc8:8 無人有權力掌管生命﹐將生命留住﹐也無人有權力掌管死期。這場爭戰﹐無人能免﹐邪惡也不能救那好行邪惡的人。

Ecc8:15 我就稱讚快樂﹐原來人在日光之下﹐莫強如吃喝快樂﹐因為他在日光之下神賜他一生的年日﹐要從勞碌中時常享受所得的。

Ecc9:7 你只管去歡歡喜喜吃你的飯﹐心中快樂喝你的酒﹐因為神已經悅納你的作為。

Ecc9:9 在你一生虛空的年日﹐就是神賜你在日光之下虛空的年日﹐當同你所愛的妻快活度日﹐因為那是你生前﹐在日光之下勞碌的事上所得的分。

三千年前的智者所羅門王﹐已經品味人生﹐體會生命之無常、無奈、循環不息﹐非人所能掌握控制。當中﹐他指出人生的意義在於在神所賜的年日歲月中﹐享受勤勞得到的福樂﹐包括吃喝享受﹐因為這都是神賜予的。生命中遇到的患難意外﹐它的發生﹐是神容許的﹐有它的意思﹐但未必現在便知其原因﹐也未必是符合我們所期待或接受的。父親節將到﹐祝福大家作子女的都能與父母親同享福樂﹐也紀念天上的父親。阿門。

 

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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